"Simpsons Family life" is a help and support resource created by Neverassume, aimed at primary school children.We used the hard copy with a group of children attending a Nurture Group setting.It was revealed that 85% of these children were living with alcohol/drug addicted parents/carers.This resource opened up the subject of living with addiction at a level they understood and the children felt able to share the difficulties facing them at home.We introduced them to Childline and NACOA websites and helplines through this resource.
"A really fabulous resource" Head Teacher
The Following Experiences are of Children Affected By Parental Alcohol Abuse.
Mel's story
My Mum died of Alcohol Intoxication when I was 14 years old.She was 46.
My parents seperated when I was 9 years old and I lost all contact with My Father.Until then ,I dont recall Alcohol being in my life. I stayed strong for my Mum and myself. At just 12 years old I knew I shouldn't be experiencing this. Each day coming home from school, there would be a lump in my throat and butterflys in my belly. Opening the front door was the worst part. Was she drunk? Was she sober? I could tell as soon as I opened the front door when the vodka stench hit me in the face.The drinking would not start right away as my dinner was made for me (most days).I knew when dinner was over the drinking would start. My Mum suffered from the disease of Alcoholism and like most people living with Alcoholics , I suffered the brunt of it.Going to the supermarket with out going down the Alcohol isle was unheard of but I was used to it, it was "normal".I would hear the vodka bottle open in the kitchen and used to sneak downstairs to pour the vodka down the drain.Some of the things I saw at a young age were horrible.Some of the things I had to do scared me, like carrying my Mum upstairs when she was too drunk to walk, knowing that if I let her fall she would take me with her.I would get myself up for school as Mum would be knocked out from drinking the night before.I tried to get people to listen to me when I said she had a drink problem. She needed help. People thought I was over reacting, being a drama queen. No one listened, not even My Mum as she was in denial of the problem.My last words to her were "I hate you" but I didn't ever hate her.I hated the person Alcohol made her.Whe she suddenly died I told everyone she died of "Natural Causes" because I was scared they would think she was a terrible Mother.But that was not the case. She was the best Mum, it's just that her escape from pain and misery was Alcohol and in the end it killed her. I loved my Mum very much and it kills me more everyday knowing that she wasnt around to see me grow up . She wasn't there when I passed my exams at school and went to college or when I learned to drive. She wont see me have a career,relationships and children of my own because she was the victim of Alcohol and Alcohol won the battle. I hope my story will help .people to realise the damaging effects that Alcohol has on you and the people around you.I will be living with the effects for the rest of my life.
K's story
My little brother and I stayed with my father for most of our lifes.
We werent aloud contact with our mum because of her drinking. When we started to grow up a little my mum seemed to control her drinkin around us so we were allowed to see her every Sunday from 2 oclock until 6 oclock which at the time me and my brother thought was great until it was time to go home. It broke our hearts everytime we had to leave, my little brother was to young to understand but i knew why! As i got older i often sneaked round to see my mum without my dad knowing. 9 times out of 10 she was drunk sitting on her chair sometimes she didnt even know i was there. I have to admit everytime i seen her drunk i shouted and screamed at her but she would never listen to me, i used to pour her vodka or her cider down the sink and fill it with water, at the time i thought it was the right thing to do but now i know it wasnt. I used to go home crying thinkin why does this have to happen to me what have i done thats so wrong i blamed myself for it. Every Sunday i used to wake up and i knew straight away if my mum was drinking even though i was at my dads house i just had a feeling and most of the time i was right. My dad used to say to us "if ur mums drinking come straight back round here" of course we didnt it was the only time we had with our mum, sometimes i wish i listened to my dad because we would come home cryin and worried that she would leave the cooker on or the fire she lived alone so there was nobody there to look after her. Me and my little brother were only 7 and 6 and we had those things to worry about i tried my hardest for my brother to try and not worry but it was difficult. In 2006 my mum was at her worst with her drinkin i was 14 years old. She was in the middle of coming of the drink drinkin litrally gallons of water and then bringing it back up i visited everyday trying to help bt something wasnt right. On the night of October 20th 2006 my big sister went round to visit her and knew something wasnt right straight away she phoned an ambulance and they came within minutes and took her up to hospital i couldnt go because i was babysitting at the time no1 would tell me wot happen then my other brothers and sisters came in and told me that my mum was critically ill we went straight up to hospital the next morning. Personally when i seen her lying there on that hospital bed she was yellow she was in a coma, she didnt even no her 3 daughters were there it broke my heart seein her like that i just wanted my mum back her condition got worse and the doctors put her into intensive care they told us that she had a 'wet brain' she'd drank that much that her brain was drowning. The doctors said that there was a chance she could die and if she survived she would be paralysed meanin she wouldnt b able to make a coffee or go to the bathroom by herself no privacy or nothing it completly broke my heart. After 4 days her condition got much much better and she woke up, me and my 2 sisters were the first people she saw i was over the moon after a week she was aloud home and i can proudly say shes not touched a drop since. Shes acheived things she couldnt when she was drinking, she got me and my little brother back a year later and were still staying with her she couldnt of got by without help from her family and her dear freind i cant thank them enough Thank you. Of course my mums had alot of stress since shes been sober she has a big family so theres bound to be stress but shes never touched a drop and im thank-full for that i dont have that feelin anymore or i dont have to look beside her chair to see if theres a bottle of vodka there i know there wont be and that is a wonderful feeling to have. i just hope i can help someone whos been through the same even if its one person i'd be proud of that.
D's story
Living with 2 alcoholic parents was extremely hard work.
I seemed to carry most of the stress and burdon at such a young and delicate age, having younger and older siblings i was the 1 who looked after everyone stealing from mum when she was passed out on the couch drunk grabbing the benifit money to buy food and electricity for the week before she drank it down the drain.
hated seeing mum like that i had to force feed her a few times coz when she drank she never ate a thing, just drank and sat on the chair all day only getting up for the loo drinking herself into stupidness.
had to take her for showers terrified incase she slipped and went thro the shower door i brushed her hair before bed and made sure she was tucked in nice and safe while she crys her eyes out.
i remember cooking sausages for the first time at the age of 8 mum was next door drinking she had been for a few hours i had to make my siblings dinners as we were hungry hadnt had anything allday my dad burst thro the door took 1 look at me and started shouting at me for touching the cooker, he knew exactly were mum was and he left in a rage to get her.
next thing i see ma dad grabbing my mum thro our front door in to the hall the way he pushed her she hit her spine ryt off the cornor of the sharp end of the radiator i looked down at her shocked with what just happened i saw her face full of sheer pain screaming with not a sound coming from her mouth,just big gasps of air i knew she must of been in sum amount of pain that sent me into a complete panic screaming and crying.
mum would drink for weeks then b sober for a week then start the binge again i knew when mum was drinking even if she had a sip i would know,she would try hide it but we always found out or caught her going into the pub or helping maself to cereal in the morning to have an empty half bottle of vodka land and smash your bowl.i hated the drowning feeling you would get the whole feeling of loss and disapointment i realised as i got older that i didnt have to watch it anymore so i moved in with my dad and stayed completly away when she was drinking,my dad was ok he is a drinker aswell but he only drank at weekends and at nyt never constant 24/7 he worked as a taxi controller and sumtimes didnt get into 4am i had peace and privacy at my dads by maself most nyts thats how i like it.
the drink slowly got a hold of my dad he went to work smelling of drink haddnt shaved and still had yesterdays clothes on,his boss told him that he didnt have any hours this week for him and then it happened the next week then he was out of a job drinking all day everyday now i had to look after my dad.
my dad drunk was very agressive my twin sister would always get the brunt of it he would pick arguments with her all the time coz she would always mouth back and it would get her in bother to the extent my dad picked up the cane where he kept down the side of his chair and started hitting her with it i flew for my dad and started hitting him with my science homework folder next thing the police and social workers were in the living room with us they told my twin to pack a bag and took her to a foster home that nyt wherer she stayed for 3 months the social work were so cruel they didnt really care they should of realised the problem was my dad and his drinking! i was only allowed to see my sister at school sum times we would skip school and go and hide at mums and look after her for they six hours as she was still drinking i didnt really want to sit and watch mum but i wanted to catch up with my twin and see how she was coping,i missed her so much and blamed my dad i would hide upstair when it was just me and dad in at nyt as he would have been drinking for most of the day he would burst into my room in the early hours and start shouting at me trying to get me angry to shout back but i kept my mouth closed coz i thought the same would happen to me what happened to my sister he would eventully stagger out my room and give my door one almighty slam!
my dad threw me out one night after i had just done a 13 hour shift at work i was exausted and just wanted to sleep, i tryed the handle and it was locked he opened the window up stair and shouted some nasty words and told me where to go i looked at him and said you only need to throw me out once dad and walked away.
J's Story
I was an only child, well looked after and wanted for nothing. My parents both had jobs. We always had a family car and went away for short breaks a few times a year.From an early age, alcohol was part of my life, I loved our family parties. Everyone together laughing. Having a good time. By the age of Age 12 I recognised my parents drinking was becoming problematic with, longer heavier sessions starting Thursday through till Sunday. Dad would get wasted and wander in and out of bed all day and night, only waking long enough to “top himself up”, mum got wasted and wanted to party all night . On occasions neighbours would call the police about the noise coming from our house,shouting and screaming.
I was alone, I had no one to talk to. I blamed myself for their behaviour, It was all my fault, I wasn’t good enough, I felt worthless and ashamed. Several times the police were called by concerned neighbours. Id lie to the police and say my parents were “ out”, I didn’t explain that they were “passed out” Aunts and uncles made excuses when I tried to approach the subject with them and told me not worry, mum and dad were just enjoying themselves like they did, every weekend.Well I wasn’t enjoying myself; I couldn’t concentrate or think straight spending most of my time worrying what would happen at home today, tomorrow, this weekend. I was bullied at school, had low self esteem and I hated being at home. My parents would binge drink for days on end. I was living in constant fear of the inevitable arguments and verbal abuse. I dreaded going home; I felt it from the pit of my stomach as soon as the house was in view, i could tell by the way the curtains were hanging if they had sobered up or continued to drink. I didn’t like friends being around the house because my parent’s behaviour was so unpredictable. I could calculate how much each of them would drink before passing out, then I would get peace for a few hours. I would put the clocks forward an hour to make them think they had missed closing time for more alcohol. I would lock them in with me and hide the keys, they would blame each other for losing them. I was always trying to think one step ahead of them by hiding ,diluting and pouring out Alcohol. I prayed that I wouldn’t get taken into care, like my cousin, she lived with us for a while till her parents got themselves sorted out.I left home at 16 for a year and returned to find that things had got worse. I moved back in with my parents. If I could, I would sleepover at friend’s houses to get away from my home life. My Dad would sit and cry in bouts of depression. He said if he had a bandage round his head people would understand that he was sick,No one understood his illness because they couldn’t see it or diagnose it.He was persuaded by his employers in to early retirement after several failed attempts at rehabilitation through his work. It was exhausting keeping everything together and seeing to my selfish self. Age 30 I moved back in with my parents temporarily. It was a living nightmare. I would find bits of my Dads car strewn at the side of the road where he had got in his car drunk and hit a lamp post or another car. I went to an Al Anon meeting as I couldn't understand my parents lack of control over alcohol, I learned a valuable lesson. I was enabling my parents to drink in this manner because I was covering up for them and making as much as I could safe for them. I explained this to my parents. My mum turned a corner that day.She hasn’t had a drink since, now 17 Years Sober , She attended local AA meetings for about a year and has self managed her recovery despite my Dads continued drinking. Sadly my Dad drank to extreme measures for the next 5 years. It was as if he was trying to drink him self to death, which he did aged 63.Mum asked me to clear out a chest of drawers in my dads bedroom. The 4 drawers were packed neatly full of unopened prescriptions designed to help with alcohol and addiction recovery. Two more family deaths as a direct result of alcohol followed. My cousin who had lived with me as a child, died suddenly age 46.Alcohol and prescription drugs were the cause of her death. She left behind a 14 year old daughter who had endured a childhood much like mine ,sad and secretive.
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